Bushwhacking is the abrupt removal of one's pubic hair. While commonly confused with the more frequently used terms "brazilian wax" or "bald eagle," the term bushwhacking is generally preferred when whackee formerly sported a lowfro or buckwheat type of 70s pubic coiffure, and does not always denote complete baldness. The sudden and abrupt removal of such luxurious nethercarpeting conjures up images of Indiana Jones, sweating profusely as he slashes his way through a dense jungle with nothing but a machete and an enviable suntan.
I think I'm finally gonna get my groove back this weekend, so I guess I better make an appointment for some bushwhacking!
Monkeyvining is a common dating practice employed by lonely, insecure or ineffably sexy people who are too hot to stay on the market after becoming single. Monkeyvining results when said monkeyviner swings to the vine of new relationship, without first letting go of the prior relationship vine. No free-sailing "time to discover myself" - which we all know really means cessation of bathing and bushwhacking - is taken between relationships, which usually means a wealth of emotional baggage and unrealistic expectations awaits proprietor of subsequent vine.
Commonly referred to as "serial monogamy," monkeyvining frequently results from fear of becoming forever relegated to the shadowy and dismal doom of repeatedly watching 28 dresses with your 28 cats.
Sheila has yet another man! She has been monkeyvining from boyfriend to boyfriend for at least six years now...
The depressing, vapid, soul-consuming feeling of all-encompassing loss that results from sudden cessation of a long time period characterized by non-stop boning. This feeling can result from a simple case of the Mondays after spending the weekend wit yo man, to the end of a summer fling and sobering realization that you may as well cancel your waxing appointments b/c your netherparts are about to shut down for the winter like that creepy restaurant on the Goonies.
I couldn't get anything done yesterday; I had such a wangover that all I could do was putter around my apartment in a snuggie and watch lifetime movies.
When you enter a relationship, you enter a new phase of life: Nights on the couch, gazing dreamily into your lover's eyes. Moonlit walks on the beach. Ravenous consumption of rocky road. Twenty pounds. Brunches. Love handles. Acne. Baby showers. Elastic waist pants. Alas, before you know it, your dream of relationship bliss has become a new reality: Tubs World.
Brah: "Hey brah. You surfing Saturday?
Boyfriend: "No. Lila and I are going to the farmers market and Home Depot."
Brah: (blank stare)
Boyfriend: "Tubs world."