1. Women love
to shop. It is the one area of the world
feel like they
're actually in control.
a bargain. The question
of 'need' is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing
it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
3. Women never have
anything to wear. Don't question
the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand
need to cry. And they
won't do it alone unless they
know you can hear them
5. Women will
always ask questions that have
answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
6. Women love
to talk. Silence intimidates them
feel a need to fill it, even
if they have
nothing to say.
need to feel like
there are people worse off than they
's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type
shows are so successful.
don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional
. Just knowing that
the man wants to have
sex with them
fulfills the emotional
hate bugs. Even
the strong-willed ones need a man around when
there's a spider or a wasp
can't keep secrets. They
eat away at them
from the inside. And they
don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only
tell two or three
always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them
a chance to gossip.
can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what
she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.
13. Women never understand
why men love
toys. Men understand that they
wouldn't need toys if women
had an 'on/off' switch.
think all beer is the same
keep three different
shampoos and two different
conditioners in the shower. After
showers, the bathroom will
a tropical rain forest.
the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that
to escape reality. Women
seek entertainment that
of how horrible things could be.
17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will
wear some things twice; if a woman
goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what
she'll feel like
wearing each day.
18. Women brush their hair
19. Watch a woman
eat an ice cream cone and you'll have
good idea about how she'll be in bed.
are paid less
than men, except for one field: Modeling.
wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that
gave Adam the apple?
do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'
23. Women have
better restrooms. They
get the nice chairs
and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl
24. The average number
in a typical woman
is 437. A man would
not be able to identify most of these items
25. Women love
cats. Men say they love
cats, but when women
aren't looking, men kick cats.
26. Women love
to talk on the phone. A woman
can visit her girlfriend
for two weeks, and upon
returning home, she will
call the same
friend and they will
talk for three
27. A woman will dress
up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
28. Women will drive
miles out of their
way to avoid
the possibility of getting lost
using a shortcut.
don't try as hard as men during
don't fall asleep afterwards.
do NOT want
an honest answer to the question
, 'How do I look?'
31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter.
32. The first naked man women
see is 'Ken'.
are insecure about their
weight, butt, and breast
34. Women will
make three right
-hand turns to avoid
making one left-hand turn.
35. 'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different
meaning in woman
-language than it does in man-
36. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women
cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they
38. All women
are overweight by definition; don't agree with them
about it. Women
5 pounds to lose, but don't bring
this up unless they
5 pounds to gain.
39. If it is not Valentines Day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably
start up a
conversation by asking, 'What
did you do?'
40. Only women understand
the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.
41. Did I mention that even after
a careful and through explaination
to the men in their
lives, only women will understand
the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'?
42. Women want
equal rights, but you rarely hear them
clamoring to be let into the draft
the responsibilities that
those rights. All women
seek equality with
men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking
out the trash, and picking
up the check.
43. If a man ticks off a woman
by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which
rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which
in more trouble)
44. Women never
check to see if the lid is up. They seem
to prefer taking
a flying butt leap towards the bowl
and then chewing men out because they
'left the seat up' instead of taking
two seconds and lowering it themselves.
can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will
get men arrested.
don't really care about a sense of humor
in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women
trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
47. Women fake
orgasm because men fake
48. It's okay for women
to dance with
each other and not be gay, You don't see straight men dancing together.
49. Women will
spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they
'll go out and spend more time
checking out other women
. Men can never
checking out other men; women will
always catch men checking out other women
50. The most embarrassing
thing for women
is to find another woman
wearing the same dress
at a formal party. You don't hear
men say, 'Oh-my-GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!'